Commentaries
Spending Time With Children
Posted 08/25/2003
The foundation for building a good relationship with your children requires that you spend time with them - spending time getting to know who they are, getting to sense the clues that seem to motivate behavior issues, and getting to grasp their humor and interests in life. Every parent has the potential to build a deep relationship with their child that will survive through the teenage years. Building this relationship does not require spending a ton of money. As David Elkind said when he was in Portland many years ago, it is not the fancy trip to Disneyland that bonds your child to you. The bonding occurs during the day-to-day interactions of daily events and seasonal activities. So, put your wallet away and think "home".
- Encourage children to work with you in the yard! Delight in the nature around you! Discover the potato bug and dissect the weed! Yes, it will take longer to do the yard work with the help of little fingers, but as you work you will find humor and create a healthy respect for nature.
- Encourage your children to help you cook. When we have actually cooked something there is such a strong sense of accomplishment! Let your children help you prepare the ingredients for cooking - children are able to chop and sift and peel. Again, it takes longer, but all of it helps with relationhsips. It is not necessary to have all 5 children in the kitchen at the same time; set up a schedule and make it a special date time with the parent who is cooking.
- If everybody helps clean up the house, there is a sense of community-building.
- "The key to building relationships is to be respectful of the individuality of each child." It isn't just mom's duty to keep the environment clean and workable for the family. I know families who spend Thursday nights housecleaning and then plan fun things to do on the weekend.
- Allow children to actually shop with you and help make up the list. If you have several children, let children trade off participation. So, put your wallet away and think "Neighborhood".
- With very young children, take walks about your neighborhood, pointing out and discovering the dogs & cats, the flowers, the stores, the bus stops, etc.
- If there is a park near by, pack up a paper bag lunch and eat a meal or snack at the park...and spend some time enjoying what is available. Take along a book to read to the children.
- Bake up some cookies and take them to a senior friend (can be done in the evening or on the weekend).
- Think "building community" and help a neighbor who needs help with weeding, mowing or needs just a visit!
- Don't forget to write picture letters to relatives and walk to the nearest mailbox. So, put away your wallet and think "home art"!
- With some paper and glue and odd bits of macaroni you can make super collages or use some cardboard and make picture frames.
- With some old magazines, create puzzles - and after you have cut some up, see if you can assemble them. Possibly glue the pieces down as you do that and create another form of collage.
- Take the newspaper and roll the sheets to make long and short poles; then using masking tape, build a structure or 3-dimensional art sculpture. Put it outside and see what the weather does to it!
- Create wish cards using pictures from catalogs.
- Create "I feel" or "This is who I am" cards, using pictures from magazines and catalogs of all sorts. Not every activity will appeal to every child in your family. That is ok. Provide the opportunity to the children who are not interested to be involved in something else that interests them.
One-on-one time with each child in a family is as important as spending time together with all the family! Recognize that children are interested in different things depending upon their age and skill levels. The key to building relationships is to be respectful of the individuality of each child.
Coming next: Art projects that build skills and develop creativity